A woman wrote a desperate letter seeking advice on whether she did the right thing. The issue is that her elderly parents lost their home and asked to stay with her. However, the woman refused, citing valid reasons. Now, she has become the enemy of all her relatives.
She explained what happened.
I (33F) have been living in my own home for a few years. I bought it with my own money and have worked hard to make it a comfortable and safe place after growing up in a very unstable environment. My parents (60s) have always been terrible with money, constantly making poor financial decisions despite my efforts to help them budget.
Recently, they lost their house due to foreclosure. They reached out to me, asking if they could move in temporarily while they get back on their feet. But two additional adults would really stretch the limits of my house, and I value my privacy and independence.
More importantly, my parents have a history of being overbearing and disrespecting my boundaries. The last time my parents stayed with me, they criticized everything about my lifestyle, rearranged furniture without asking, and even got into an argument with one of my neighbors.
I offered to help them find an affordable rental and even offered to pay their first month of rent. I also found government assistance programs they can apply for. They refused, saying that family should stick together and that it was my duty to help them in their time of need.
My siblings are divided — my older brother thinks I’m heartless, while my younger sister understands my concerns. Both of them live in smaller apartments, so they do not have the option to host my parents.
My parents have been guilt-tripping me, saying they took care of me growing up, and now it’s my turn to take care of them. My parents are now telling extended family that I’m abandoning them, and I am getting messages from relatives. It’s making me second-guess my decision, even though I know my mental health would suffer if they moved in.
Was I wrong for refusing to let my parents move in with me after they lost their house? Should I be more willing to accommodate them, or am I right to stick to my own well-being and boundaries? I’m feeling very conflicted and could use some outside perspective.
People stood on her side.
- You don’t want them to move in, so you offered another way of helping through financial means, etc. You are helping your family in need. They turned it down. You have the right to say no. © ElectricalTaste4519 / Reddit
- you have offered a very generous and more sustainable solution. I agree with other commentators….if you let them move in, they’ll never move out. They will take over your house, try to control your life and will amp up the expectations of what you “owe” them and will keep guilt-tripping you (& abusing you) until the end. Send a copy of this to everyone parents have involved to make sure that everyone knows what solutions you have offered to help them with (because it’s likely that haven’t told them about this) THEN add something like “so let’s all pull together like family to help. What are you able to offer in addition to the solutions I’ve proposed to help smooth the transition into their own rental property, with support in place?” Don’t give in, it’s not in anybody’s best interests for your parents to move in with you. You don’t “owe” them anything. © Iworkinacupboard / Reddit
- You were offering solutions, which they refused. Based on their attitude when they stayed with you before (criticizing your lifestyle, generally disrespecting your boundaries), it sounds like they’re the kind of parents who look down on their children, never recognizing the fact that they’ve grown up and are entitled to make decisions about their own lives. They even said that it’s your “duty” to look after them as repayment for them fulfilling their legal obligation to provide for you while growing up. That’s pretty twisted if you ask me. © asleep_awake / Reddit
- Your parents are refusing to listen to any options you offer because they want to live with you in order to be able not to take responsibility for anything. © Kukka63 / Reddit
- Tell any of the relatives that are trying to guilt-trip you that they are free to host your parents. That should shut them up pretty quick. Also, you don’t owe your parents anything because they raised you. They chose to have children, and it was literally their job to take care of you while you were growing up. You have offered other solutions to try to help them, which was very kind of you, but you are not obligated to give up your safe space because they refuse other options. © passthebluberries / Reddit
- You know how it would go — you have experience with your parents’ behavior when in your home. No — means — no. If the parents want to play the ’poor abandoned us’ card after you have found an assistance program and offered to pay a month’s rent — they are on their own. Perhaps one of your siblings should move to a larger place to take in your parents. Tell the relatives to back off…it’s YOUR home. © omeomi24 / Reddit
- As a woman in her early 60s, I do not understand the parents are thinking. They just didn’t pay their mortgage? How did they think that would end? Don’t tell me that their mortgage was more than rent. In particular, with rental prices through the roof. Who gets to their 60s and thinks they don’t have to pay their housing costs? You have to pay to live somewhere. © Exact_Purchase765 / Reddit
Many parents are guilty of interfering in the lives of their adult children. Here is the story of a woman whose in-laws behaved unacceptably towards her daughter.
